Why can't I stop calling him to see if he's OK?
I often answer folks who ask me this question with these questions.
Why are you calling me?
What do you hope will happen or, what are you afraid has already happened when they don't answer your call?
Is your need to know what is happening with this person consuming your thoughts and actions?
When we are afraid that a loved one might hurt themselves or someone else we become afraid and protective of them. It seems like the right course of action would be to help someone who is in trouble, wouldn't it? In normal circumstances I would say yes, help someone out of a difficult situation if you choose to, except when it involves a person who is abusing substances. The rules of engagement change because Substance Abuse Disorder (SUDs) is tenacious.
Once a person has become addicted to a substance it is impossible for others to stop them using. Often they can not stop themselves from using without a serious intervention. This is because a compulsion to use, that is as strong as the survival instinct has taken over. An old part of our brain called the Mid-Brain and neuro-chemicals that create learning and memory become involved. This survival mechanism has enabled us to sort through what is good and will enhances survival and what is bad or dangerous, and could kill us in our environment. Unfortunately, the brain is tricked into categorizing substances as good for our survival because they feel so good.
The normal human interactions and other ways of helping are to no avail and I watch family members become desperate in their attempts at appealing to their loved one to stop life threatening behaviors.
I do encourage and help family members to coordinate interventions, such as, detoxing in a safe place. A period of time without continued use of the substance/s, however long, will cause withdrawal. While withdrawal is extremely uncomfortable, and can be dangerous in some cases the positive side of withdrawal is a person becomes increasingly able to make discerning life affirming decisions, as the substances leave the body and stop clouding one's judgement. Note that it is not necessary to wait until a person is completely down and out before offering help. Outcomes are improved however, by willingness to accept help.
Education about what is, and what is not SUDs is valuable. I encourage people to watch a video called, "Pleasure Unwoven." It is an educational video shown in many treatment facilities that illustrates how the brain becomes addicted to substances. Please feel free to comment and ask questions below. Thanks.
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